stuff that makes me think / what I've learned

motherly wisdom: deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own

When my husband and I were first married, I moved four provinces to the east until he finished his medical residency. A gentle woman by the name of Margaret cushioned me with maternal wisdom. Over the years, we continued our friendship through letters. So many letters, that I had boxes and boxes of her beautiful handwritten script. The Christmas of that first year, she gave me a book called, “Mother tried to tell me, and I just wouldn’t listen”.

Still, after all these years, I’m still grappling with one of the wisest thoughts. This quip stands tall in my mind now, as I parent my children: “Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own“.

This is an excellent way to approach parenting. They say, ‘your voice becomes their inner voice’.

March2014 213Yet, all this is a tall order. One that makes me feel fraught with guilt, on the one hand, and consumed with responsibility on the other.

There are repeated follies a parent must respond to, so there are endless opportunities to practice this maxim. The only way I’ve really come to an awareness that this approach is effective is when others have been kind and gentle when I least deserved it. Like when my child is gentle after I’ve not been. When my husband gives me time to myself, when I hardly spent the last few days being generous to him. It’s these moments that grace, gentleness, speaks the loudest to me, convincing me that the maxim works.

Not my instinct. Hard to do. Definitely wise. Deal with the faults of others as gently as you would deal with yours.

4 thoughts on “motherly wisdom: deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own

  1. Thanks, I needed this today. . . It is a good maxim, and yet I am still struggling to deal with the faults of others when those faults endanger your own physical and mental wellbeing. Hard to be gentle then. I will see if I can find this book in some library, it looks rare.

    • I agree, very hard then. Im not sure gentle is the right approach then. Firm and tight boundaries. Ive found I get really loud when I feel threatened. Remembering that indeed I am in control of my life, no one else is, and I get decide how Im treated enables me to stand firm with less overreaction.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s