Why Returning to Yourself Matters More Than Doing Everything Right
For many years, I would never have used the phrase “people-pleasing as a homeschool mom,” even though that’s exactly what I was doing. I told myself I was simply being agreeable, flexible, and easy to be around. I didn’t want to be the difficult one and I definitely didn’t want to need too much. And more than anything, I didn’t want to take up space.
And so I learned to shape-shift.
I learned to read the room with precision — not because it was a gift, but because it was a survival skill. Growing up in an unpredictable environment trains you to anticipate tone shifts, interpret footsteps, and adjust your entire body depending on someone else’s emotional weather. It becomes so automatic you don’t even recognize it as something you’re doing; it feels like who you are.
Someone at church once told me this was “the gift of discernment.” A pastor-turned-counsellor later offered a truer name: hypervigilance.
The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing as a Homeschool Mom
When motherhood arrived — and especially homeschool motherhood — all of those old patterns came with me. I became the central hub of emotional management, the keeper of the peace, the anticipator of needs. I carried responsibilities no one asked me to carry because I assumed that was simply what a “good” mom, wife, or woman did.
But something deeper was happening under the surface.
I wasn’t checking in with my own emotional bandwidth, I wasn’t acknowledging my limits. and I wasn’t listening to myself at all.
Every time I smoothed over conflict or bent myself smaller to make someone else more comfortable, I chipped away at my own sense of worth.
People-pleasing as a homeschool mom doesn’t just drain your energy — it disconnects you from who you are. It asks you to silence your preferences, your needs, your curiosity, and your internal compass until you forget you ever had them. And eventually, you wake up inside a life where you are doing everything for everyone else but can’t quite locate yourself anymore.
The Carpet Moment That Changed Everything
My turning point didn’t happen in front of a mirror; although I spent a lot of time in front of the mirror, talking to myself, cheerleading myself, and questioning myself. It happened during my third — or maybe fourth — slump year.
One morning after I’d lost my temper with the kids again, I sank down onto the carpet and opened Brené Brown’s TEDx talk. A friend suggested I watch it. All I knew was that something inside me was unraveling in a way I could no longer ignore.
As she spoke about shame, worthiness, and vulnerability, something in me cracked. I realized I didn’t actually know myself. And I couldn’t name what I wanted, what I needed, or what I even liked. I only knew how to be useful — how to be appreciated, how to be agreeable, how to be helpful. I had been people-pleasing not just out of kindness but to hide the shame of not feeling like a worthwhile human being.
On that carpet, a quiet truth surfaced for me: I had been living beyond my capacity because I didn’t believe I was allowed to live within it.
That realization didn’t solve everything. It did, however, tell the truth. And once I heard it, I couldn’t pretend not to know it anymore.
Why Self-Abandonment Fails Every Time
People-pleasing wasn’t failing because others were demanding too much. It was failing because I had slowly abandoned myself.
Self-abandonment looks like:
- saying yes when your whole body says no,
- pushing past your limits because rest feels indulgent,
- avoiding asking for help because you don’t want to inconvenience anyone,
- silencing your needs because you fear being perceived as too much,
- living outside your true capacity because you don’t trust that you matter.
When a woman lives this way long enough, she doesn’t just burn out — she disappears. You can remain physically present in your home and still be emotionally absent from your own life.
What surprised me most was not how tired I was, but how unseen I felt. Not because others didn’t care, but because I wasn’t showing them the real me. I was offering a version of myself curated to keep the peace, win approval, and never disrupt the emotional ecosystem of my home.
Coming Back to Yourself (Slowly, Gently)
Healing from people-pleasing as a homeschool mom isn’t about swinging to harsh boundaries or saying “no” for sport. (Like you’d consider doing that anyway.) It’s about something quieter and far more courageous: telling yourself the truth.
A true yes feels grounded and warm. A fear-driven yes feels tight, pressured, and familiar in all the wrong ways.
Learning to tell the difference is required. We need to stop and listen within.
I began acknowledging my own limits.
Started paying attention to my emotional reality.
I stopped forcing myself to be the primary emotional caretaker for the entire household.
I reclaimed interests I’d let go of since I was a child, like writing.
Slowly, I experienced something I didn’t even know I had lost: presence.
Not performative presence — real presence. Presence with myself first, which allowed me to be present with others in a steadier, more honest way.
If You Want More Nourishment…
If this journey feels familiar — if you’re somewhere between who you thought you had to be and who you’re slowly becoming — here’s one simple practice:
Say one honest sentence today. Just one.
“I don’t have capacity for that right now.”
“I actually need a moment to think.”
“Maybe I’d like to do this differently.”
“My answer is no, and that’s the truest thing I can say.”
Because your needs count too, your preferences matter, your curiosity is worth following.
Your life belongs to you as much as your homeschooling belongs to your children.
Join me for the 12-Day Homeschool Mom Self-Care Challenge — a supportive, grounding experience that helps you rebuild connection with yourself and create more ease in both your inner world and your homeschool.
You’re Allowed to Live Within Your Capacity
Homeschool moms don’t burn out because they’re inadequate.
They burn out because, for years, they’ve been taught to override their own needs.
You don’t have to carry the emotional weight of your whole home.
And you don’t have to earn your rest or justify why you matter.
You’re allowed to return to yourself — gently, authentically, and without apology.
And if that feels unfamiliar because people-pleasing as a homeschool mom has been your survival strategy, please know you’re not the only one who’s unlearning it.
If any part of this resonates — if you recognize your patterns of over-functioning, self-forgetting, or carrying more than was ever yours — you’re not walking this alone.
Maybe safety once felt conditional, or love came through performance, or maybe you absorbed stories that didn’t belong to you.
I’ve walked this path too — from losing myself to finding my way back.
If you’re somewhere in that slow returning, I’m right there with you.
And if you’re ready to step into who you truly are, I’d be honoured to walk beside you.
You’ve got this. And I’ve got you.
—Teresa
➤ Learn more about coaching with Teresa here.
Bolster Boundaries at the Holidays for Homeschool Moms
Introducing the ultimate guide for homeschool moms navigating the holiday whirlwind: the ‘Boundary Bolstering Journaling Workbook.’ Crafted to help you thrive amidst unique seasonal challenges, this 31-page gem offers strategies and thought-provoking journal prompts. Discover how to establish boundaries, clarify needs, and embrace your true self. Make this holiday a time of internal empowerment and joy on your terms!
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Teresa Wiedrick
I help overwhelmed homeschool mamas shed what’s not working in their homeschool & life, so they can show up authentically, purposefully, and confidently in their homeschool & life.
