13 Things Mentally Strong Homeschool Moms Don’t Do

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Mentally strong homeschool moms are not born that way. They are built — one honest, uncomfortable, growing moment at a time.

And this book by Amy Morin is one of the best tools I have found for that building work.

How This Book Found Me

It found me in an airport bookshop — you know that thing you do when you’re killing time waiting for a boarding call, and you wander the shelves because there’s nothing else to do and you’re not ready to sit yet? The title stopped me cold: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do by Amy Morin.

I picked it up. I could not put it down.

When I read the list on the back cover, I thought — I could have written this book. These are things I’ve learned and am still learning in my own life. And I have absolutely learned most of them in the context of homeschooling my four kids.

This is how Amy Morin informs my homeschool.

What Amy Morin Says About Mentally Strong People

“Mentally strong people have healthy habits. They manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors in ways that set them up for success in life.”
— Amy Morin

Mentally strong homeschool moms do the same. They manage their emotions, their reactions, and their patterns — not perfectly, but intentionally. And they keep showing up even when it’s hard.

Amy lists thirteen things that mentally strong people don’t do. I’m going to walk you through all thirteen — but I want to go deeper on the seven I see come up most consistently in my coaching work with women who home educate. These are the ones that come up over and over and over. The ones that quietly make homeschool life harder than it needs to be. And the ones that — when you shift them — change everything.

How Mentally Strong Homeschool Moms Show Up

Before we get into the list — here’s what I want you to hear. Every single thing on this list is something I have had to work on myself. Some of them I’m still working on. So there is no judgment here. Just honest conversation between two women who are trying to do this homeschool life well.

Alright. Let’s get into it.

1. Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.

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Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves.

That would be easy to do this year. We have to determine how we’re filling our days as homeschool parents, and we get to do it.

March forward, despite all the challenges.

2. Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t give away their power.

When we react to stuff or people going on around us, we aren’t choosing. We’re giving away our power. We need to be proactive, not reactive.

And girlfriend — I did not understand this for a very long time.

If you are getting heated — yelling, or consistently nagging — I want you to hear this gently: you are giving away your power.

I want you to hear this gently: you are giving away your power. You are not convincing anybody. You are trying to convince them with your intensity or your overpowering energy. And I say this with so much compassion because I have done this a thousand times. At least a thousand.

Here’s something I say to moms a lot — and I know this doesn’t represent every partnership or every family dynamic, but it represents enough that I’m going to say it. Mom wonders why the kids won’t listen to her — but the moment dad walks into the room they immediately comply.

Here’s my take on that.

Why Mom and Dad Get Different Results

Mom is deeply aware of what’s going on. She really wants the kids to do the thing — because she wants the best for them. And she really, really wants them to buy in. Whereas dad walks in, sees that the kid didn’t do the thing, says — hey, you gotta do the thing — and walks out. He’s not thinking I hope you comply. He expects them to. And they do.

That right there is what it looks like to not give away your power.

So here’s what I’d offer you: believe first that you mean what you say — before you say it — so that they can believe it too. Don’t ask for their buy-in before you’ve committed to your own expectation. And sprinkle your expectations lightly — because too many at once exasperates kids and makes them feel like they’re never doing good enough.

3. Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t shy away from change.

Change is a guarantee in this life. Consider it life’s way of preventing boredom.

4. Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t focus on things they can’t control.

Because if we haven’t learned that we aren’t in control of everything about our lives — we probably have finally learned it by now.

5.  Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t worry about pleasing everyone.

When we let go of listening to other people’s expectations of us and our kids’ education, we can do our homeschool our way — the way that fits us and our specific children.

People pleasing seems to be a thing amongst homeschool moms. But I’m pretty confident it’s a thing amongst women in general. And from a reformed people pleaser — it ain’t working for you.

The Hidden Cost of People Pleasing

You think you’re avoiding conflict? Sure. Except that you’re taking on the internal conflict of avoiding that external conflict. So the conflict is just happening inside of you instead. The resentment builds. Frustration sets in. You feel uncertain — like you have to dance just to keep everyone happy.

People pleasing doesn’t work. And also — it isn’t really you showing up. The truth of yourself gets buried underneath what you think everyone else needs from you.

I had a profound moment in a passport office in 2004. I was waiting for my passport — me, my husband, and my third daughter who was presently inside of me in early pregnancy — getting my passport a week before we were heading to Mexico. And I was reading a book called The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee — a study of Romans, which in the Bible is all about grace.

And reading that book it was like the heavens opened and light shone on me. I got real, real clear that grace was a gift — not something I needed to earn first. And in that one moment everything shifted.

Because I realized — if I didn’t need to earn grace, why in the world was I spending my life trying to earn the grace of the people around me?

I’m going to leave that there because I know that not everyone will follow that rabbit trail with me. But for those of you who did — I hope you heard it.

You were created and put on this planet to do something remarkable. And it requires you to be authentic. People pleasing is not authentic. It is not you. And it is not working.

6.  Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t fear taking calculated risks.

Whether you realize it or not, if you took up homeschooling, you already took up a calculated risk.

So own it. And enjoy it.

7.  Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t dwell on the past.

The way things used to be — it is what it is. Today is a different day, a different year. How will you show up this day?

Now here’s where I want to add some nuance — because people say the differentiation between coaching and therapy is that coaching focuses on the future and therapy focuses on the past. In my personal experience — both as a coach and as a client — I don’t actually see it that way.

I am not a therapist. I am not trained to diagnose or engage in clinical therapeutic tools. But I am unquestionably a trauma-informed coach. And I am very clear that your attachment tendencies and the stories you carried before you were a mother are deeply influencing how you’re showing up in your homeschool today.

The little girl who was hurt. A teenager who felt bullied. The child who never felt truly seen.

She is showing up in how you homeschool. In how you engage your kids. In how you understand your partner.

So I don’t think we should dwell on the past — but I absolutely think we need to be honest about it. Own it. Accept it. Because your past is not back there. It’s happening in you right now.

When we do that honest work — we can move toward the life and the homeschool we actually want.

8. Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t make the same mistakes over and over.

Except you will, of course. But mistakes are there to teach you something — so you don’t have to keep hitting your head against the same wall. Listen to what the wall is telling you.

And here’s the truth: noticing our patterns requires self-awareness. Because sometimes we are making communication errors — showing up in unhelpful ways — and we don’t even know it because we can’t see ourselves.

A Self-Awareness Practice That Actually Works

Build self-awareness practices. Set an alarm on your phone for the time of day when you are most heated or most frustrated. And when it goes off — pause. Put your hand on your heart. Ask yourself what is really going on in there.

I worked with one mom — mother of twins and a preschooler — who found this tool extraordinarily effective. Over the course of a few months she noticed her own intensity decreasing simply because she was paying attention.

Another mom practiced it so consistently that one day — without saying a word to her kids about it — her children noticed. The alarm went off. They stopped what they were doing, put their hands on their hearts, took a long, slow deep breath, and asked themselves how they were feeling.

She wept. Not just she — but her kids — were learning emotional regulation. Together.

That is the work.

9.  Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t resent other people’s success.

Keep in your lane. Do your own thing. You have your specific children, your specific experience of education, your specific way of homeschooling. Enjoy your family, enjoy your Instagram feed, enjoy your story — and celebrate when others are doing good things in theirs.

10.  Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t give up after their first failure.

If you really want to continue homeschooling, accept that you’ll fail. Yes, you really will. You’ll know it in your soul that you didn’t quite hit the mark; you didn’t quite show up the way you wanted to.

But your failures didn’t prevent you from pursuing the thing you really wanted: to capture all the charms of your homeschool freedoms.

Can I tell you something? Motherhood is a long game. Homeschooling is a long game. I know you know that — but I want you to really hear it.

Homeschooling Is a Long Game — And That’s Okay

You cannot have this all figured out right now. You can — mostly — have it figured out when your kids are grown. And to be fair, I still don’t think I have it all figured out. But if I had known what I know now at the beginning of this journey, it would have been rather handy for my kids.

But I don’t actually think that’s the point. I don’t think we’re supposed to do this perfectly. I think we’re here to learn alongside them. And being in the fishbowl with your kids every single day means you will have many opportunities to learn. Many.

So don’t give up. Keep persisting. Keep being real about your own personal growth.

Because girl — it’s going to happen. You are here for the long game.

11. Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t fear alone time.

Solitude is good for all of us. What alone time? I’m a homeschool mom.

But here’s what I want to say to you: you need to develop interests outside of your kids. I know I wouldn’t have loved hearing that in early motherhood — because I prized motherhood. I still do. It is a demanding and beautiful and deeply memorable profession. And package it in home education? The memories are coming out of the cracks.

And yet — they are going to grow up.

Building a Life That Belongs to You

How do I know? Because recently I started to dismantle my homeschool room in a very meaningful way. I took down the ribbon of triangular numbers that a few of my kids put together on the ceiling during the early boring months of the pandemic — the digits of pi, strung up there like bunting. My youngest is going to university. My empty nesting is about to occur.

I remember once upon a time wondering what in the world I was going to do when I had all this time on my hands. Well — that day is coming. And I am not afraid of it. Because I built a life that belongs to me alongside the life I built for my kids. Reading and writing and hiking and gardening. Coffee with friends and movies and traveling.

Start now. Even if it’s small. Because the nest empties faster than you think.

12. Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t feel the world owes them anything.

Does the world owe you validation in your homeschool choice? Nope. You decided it was the best choice for your family — so own it, relish it, and don’t look for affirmation from others about your choice.

13.  Mentally strong homeschool moms don’t expect immediate results.

This homeschool thing is a long game — a marathon of parenting. One day you get to look back and see the big picture. But not yet. Keep going.

And here’s the truth: you cannot lead a child to the toilet and make them pee. You cannot lead a child to the workbook and make them check off your boxes. But you can keep showing up. You can keep introducing and reintroducing a concept over the course of time. Because that is actually how kids learn.

Do we even know all the phonics rules ourselves? One mom said that to me recently — I don’t even know these rules. Well — guess what? Neither did I. I was a teenager reading a newspaper and I saw the word i-n-d-i-c-t and read it as in-dict. Had absolutely no idea that word was indict. English is a genuinely confusing language. But I still learned to read. And so will your kids.

This is the long game. And you are in it. Keep going, girlfriend. You got this.

What Amy Morin’s Book Makes Me Think

Everyone has a story of why me. Anyone can turn that why me story into a life not well lived.

Life can be challenging, but we must decide how we frame those challenges.

Past schmast. Everyone has a past. Everyone has a story. A story that might make others’ jaws drop or bring someone to compassionate tears — we all have them.

We can’t change our stories, so we have to get on with living forward and live our lives on purpose for this time that we have.

How we think affects how we approach our life, our purpose, our relationships, and our homeschools.

Teresa Wiedrick, author of Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer

Want to Go Deeper?

Here are two ways I can support you as you do this work of becoming a mentally strong homeschool mom:

Reading That Restores You — Book Club Newsletter

Every Wednesday morning, a warm, thoughtful reflection lands in your inbox drawn from the books we’re exploring together — including Amy Morin’s work on mental strength. Journaling prompts. Practical takeaways for your homeschool and your life. You don’t have to read the book. You just have to show up for yourself on a Wednesday morning.

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Book a Free Aligned Homeschool Reset Session

If one of these thirteen things feels particularly stuck right now — in your relationship with a specific child, your partner, or yourself — I’d love to think through it with you. A free Aligned Homeschool Reset Session is a no-obligation conversation where we look at where you are, what’s feeling hard, and what might need to shift.

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Originally published March 27, 2023. Updated August 10, 2026.

Call to Adventure by Kevin MacLeod
Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3470-call-to-adventure
License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/