7 Remarkable Lessons from a Weekend Away: Homeschool Realities

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When was the last time you took time away from your family? Like not to look after an aging parent, not to come to another person’s side in an emergency, and not to head to errands by yourself.

I mean time away that serves to refresh you?

So you know, I remember it being a mental challenge to leave, because if it wasn’t me getting in my way, it was a child looking sad at the door, or the hospital needing something from my husband that interrupted my plans.

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The realities of homeschool…

Here’s what I’ve learned about the realities of homeschool, what I’ve learned about myself, and what I’ve learned about my homeschool kiddos in my time away.

I didn’t call at lunch the first day away at my writer’s conference. Oh, I wanted to, but I refrained. I emailed in the afternoon instead. How are things going? 

“Four cranky. 2 pouty. 3 sweet but pushing boundaries++ 1 really trying. See ya tonight.” (Short and sweet report, as is typical of my husband).

Somewhere along the line, we thought coding their identity with their number placement in the family kept their privacy. It did until it didn’t. At their age of this particular writer’s conference weekend away, we couldn’t spell their names out loud or even say them in French–because the kids learned their names in French too. So, the number thing worked.

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Here’s some of the things I learned about the realities of homeschool because I left my home.

Before I left, I didn’t worry about whether my husband could keep up with the homeschooling–okay, maybe a little–I did my formal homeschool routine at a clipping pace.

And if my husband so chose to go off-script he would improvise on a dime and the kids loved it anyway.

Spontaneous conversation about the history surrounding the theatre production of Hamilton? Check.

Delete math studies so they could play a game of math dice and statistics? Check.

Someone said they didn’t know how many countries started with the letter Q? Gotta rectify that. By the way, trick question, there’s only 1 country that begins with Q.

The kids don’t understand what “first past the post” means in our parliamentary government? Gotta chat about that.

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It’s not even handling the kids: I’ve seen him in action, he’s perfectly capable. And I might add, far more diplomatic by nature than his wife.

But ALL day?

Somewhere during that afternoon away, my daughter messages on her iPod: “Dad’s really not letting Rachel and Zach get away with anything anymore”.

“Oh, you think he used to?” I giggled. He’s got his own relationship with his kids. He’ll do things his way, because he’s a separate person. These words may have been spoken to myself like a mantra in our early parenting days as I came to understand that I wasn’t the only parent creating a unique relationship with my kids.

Out of the mouth of a pre-adolescent babe, I learn that it sounds like he’s surviving just fine.

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There are other realities of homeschool I’ve learned from my time away too:

Besides that I learned I liked sleeping in a bed where no one woke me up at night and that I liked ordering food, instead of making it, and not having to wash the dishes either, I learned a few other lessons that weekend too.

1. Sometimes my kids and I were with each other enough to be a bother.

Some homeschool critics have suggested they wouldn’t want to be with their kids as often as I have been. That would be too hard.

And they are not wrong, some days.

When you’ve home-educated long enough, you know that you do indeed get to be with them more than you need to some days. The kids would say the same at times too fyi.

Here’s something you don’t hear in the general zeitgeist of homeschooling: sometimes you have to be separate from the ones you love to appreciate them more.

Perhaps the one thing schooled parents are benefited by: separation. (Not coincidentally, this very same thing we know benefits our kids, because, ya know, “connection, attachment, and healthy socialization via our homes”.

Consider this: the first time schooled parents see their kids each afternoon is a moment of anticipation: Oh HI! Tell me about your day?

That question would be a little odd if you walked to and from the mailbox each afternoon, opened your front door, and yelled, “Kids, I’m home! How was your day?”

And they’d yell back: What are you talking about? You know. You were here.

Lesson #1

Space fosters appreciation. Taking breaks from being with your kids constantly can help you (and them) appreciate each other more. Sometimes, a little distance goes a long way in refreshing the family dynamic.

Read more: How you might be able to get quiet and find time away.

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2. Mama has got to have something that is just HER apart from her kids.

I’m nearly 24 years into parenting, and yet, just twelve years into parenting had already long learned that I need to have my own identity, outside of my role as mother.

Though I love love love the mother role, and have been honoured to have my sweet lil things in my arms when they couldn’t walk, hand in hand when they did, and in the seat beside me as THEY drive themselves to their jobs.

Yet, I am separate from them too.

Lesson #2

You need an identity beyond “mom.” It’s vital to nurture something that’s just yours—whether it’s a hobby, passion, or career. It reminds you that you are a separate person. When you do, it replenishes your energy and allows you to show up as a more fulfilled and patient parent. Ask me how I know. ps pre-mothering I wouldn’t have believed this if I hadn’t lived it.

Read more: Developing you Beyond the Homeschool Mama Role

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3. The realities of homeschool: our role as a homeschool mom is unfairly undervalued.

In our western culture, we’re taught what’s valuable…

• producing faster than the speed of light is VALUABLE,
• owning lots of stuff is VALUABLE,
• having letters after your name is VALUABLE, and…
• pretending you’re more important than other people proves that you’re VALUABLE.

Being a homeschool mama and influencing the culture by teaching other humans how to be kind, compassionate, connecting, intelligent, conscientious, engaged humans is awfully meaningful–whether anyone tells you that or not.

ps I’m telling you that now.

Loving those that you care for and infusing them with interpersonal skills and affirming their value and worth is VALUABLE. Helping children lead meaningful lives on purpose: check check check, your role on this earth is remarkably valuable.

Lesson #3

Your role is more valuable than society might suggest. Being a homeschool mom is more than just managing a household and enacting studies routine. You’re shaping the next generation, which is priceless.

Read more: Learn not to care what other people think, homeschool mom

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4. I am a whole lot more productive when the kids aren’t around.

As a writer, I get a LOT written and a LOT researched when the kids aren’t in earshot.

Obviously…

Their sweet little voices compel us to listen, to pay attention, to notice even when we’re trying to do anything else — we become the queen of multitaskers, though I don’t recommend practicing it intentionally, you’ll likely become very good at it with a whole lot of training.

That’s why when they leave for an outing with auntie, you feel like you can get so much done so much more quickly.

Lesson #4

You can achieve more with uninterrupted time. While homeschool days are busy, time away can remind you how productive you can be when given the space. There’s a lot going on around you. It’s a wee bit distracting. Prioritize finding quiet moments, whether it’s afternoon quiet times, early morning routines, or time away at the library.

Read more: 7 ways to find quiet & build boundaries in your homeschool

5. The library is a great place to be creative because it’s so dang quiet.

Coffee shops are overrated for writers: there’s great cappuccinos, free WiFi, and a fun coffeehouse playlist, but unless I’m planning a new character for my fiction novel (which I was writing in my earlier homeschool days) or learning natural dialogue (aka listening to other’s conversations and recording them)…a quiet library stall is the ideal place for thinking and writing.

Lessons #5

Quiet spaces can spark creativity. If you’re struggling to focus at home, consider finding a calm place like a library or a cozy cafe to gather your thoughts. Silence is often the best backdrop for creativity.

Read more: How to Encourage Homeschool Mama Creativity

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6. Sometimes we excuse ourselves for our unkindness and impatience as homeschool moms because we are overrun with needs and complaints and expectations (the realities of homeschool).

We can’t do everything for everyone.

However, treating our littles with gentle kindness and gazing into their eyes as they tell their stories is as important for us as it is for the mama who spends 40 hours away from them.

It also increases the likelihood that your kiddos will spend more time happily playing if they get connection time with you: aka eyeball to eyeball time.

ps I offer a workshop on how to incorporate realistic eyeball-to-eyeball time as a homeschool mom in the Confident Homeschool Mom Collective.

It’s useful to get away. Get perspective. Learn a few things that living on this globe of busyness and noise sometimes distracts us from hearing.

We need to make it a habit to regularly take time to tune into ourselves. Also, we need to build time away from the kiddos to reassess our homeschool life too: because we want to show up intentionally in our typical days, we want our educational and personal values to align with our real activities, we want to clarify whether we’re being realistic and to recharge, relax, and get clear on what we want for ourselves (as well as your kids).

Lesson #6

Be gentle with yourself and your kids. The homeschool lifestyle can be challenging, and it’s easy to justify impatience when overwhelmed. But continue to be kind to yourself and learn yourself—and offer your kids the same kindness—ps this gentle energy can significantly shift the atmosphere in your home.

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7. No matter how consuming (or frustrating) some days feel, home educating our kids is very rewarding.

I wouldn’t turn back to change that choice for a second.

Though I would change the content of some of my days…my reactivity toward that frustration or overwhelm, I would have built in self-awareness practices and a gentle accountability partner, I would have begun a quest to know myself, my needs, my curiosities much earlier, and I would have leaned into customizing an education toward each of them them a whole lot faster; however, I am privileged and thankful that I learned what I learned when I needed to learn it, that I was willing to listen and learn, and that I had the privilege to home educate my children.

Lesson #7

Homeschooling, despite its challenges, is deeply charmed. No matter how tough some days feel, remind yourself that homeschooling is a choice rooted in love. The frustrations are part of your story, but the rewards are worth every hard moment.

Stepping away from my daily homeschool routine gave me the chance to reflect and gain perspective on the realities of homeschool. Each day is an ordinary miracle of a day.

Time away not only recharges us but also helps see how rewarding this homeschool journey really is. Challenges and all, there’s no journey we’d rather be on.

Teresa Wiedrick, Homeschool Life Coach

I’d like to hear from you: what have you learned about the realities of homeschool, about yourself and your children as you’ve spent time away?

And remember, you’re invited to the upcoming Homeschool Mama Retreat. Join the waitlist here.

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