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I’m privileged to virtually walk alongside homeschool mamas just like you. So I know why a homeschool mama will benefit from coaching for homeschool (& life).
I am privileged to be invited into your homeschool, and be told about why you homeschool, who you homeschool, the challenges in your homeschool, and why you’re not sure you want to continue homeschooling or at least, why you’re finding it challenging.
You know that I’ve been there done that, that I’ve homeschooled four kids, our oldest is 21, our second, is 19, our third, is 16, and it’s only our youngest, 13, who is still homeschooling.
So why would a homeschool mama need coaching for homeschool (& life)?
You’ve heard me share my story that somewhere in January of our third year of homeschooling I was done with homeschooling…
Or to be precise, I had enough of kid conflict, forcing kids to sit down, be quiet, stay motivated, focus on their studies, stop arguing, leave the scissors in the same place I left them, not speak out of turn, not speak disrespectfully…and a whole bunch of other stuff that pushed me to my brink of overwhelm.
But I’ve had more than one moment of questioning my homeschool choice.
I’ve had more than one moment of homeschool overwhelm and even life overwhelm. I’ve had moments of exasperation with a child or two or three, even seasons of exasperation…and worry.
And because I’m not from one of those strong family stories where I felt secure and was taught that who I was mattered or even that my feelings mattered, or that anyone even noticed I was there at times, well, I’ve been reparenting myself too, growing myself up right alongside my kids.
Oh, and if it didn’t seem obvious already, I have plenty of stories where I’ve had to reorder relationships because I had to learn to instill boundaries in pretty much every relationship in my life at some point.
(Boundaries weren’t taught or instilled in my family of origin and I didn’t even explore them until I was 34, years after I began parenting.)
And when sometimes you hear me talk about homeschool mamas needing to find their identity, that experience was mine too. I remember attending my first writing conference and by the end of that weekend, I was in love and in awe: I found the love of my life, writing.
But I was always in love with her.
I’d always known her. Remember that I began writing when I was seven, in a little green-locked journal purchased from Zellers. But I didn’t spend enough time acknowledging her. So I didn’t develop her.
That weekend conference got me clear that I was not just a mom: I was a writer.
But how could I write? I’d surely have to ditch the other three loves of my life.
(And though I say that for your amusement, I was genuinely distraught that I’d made a mistake: I had a family when I first should have taken up writing. Turns out, the two are not mutually exclusive, but I’ve had to bring that element of my identity into regular practice, despite my rather consuming homeschool mom identity.)
And as you can imagine, coming into marriage and parenting, with rather colourful growing-up years, I wanted to capture a charmed life.
(Did I subconsciously name my website? Oh yes, I did).
- I’ve learned to overcome my fear of anger, in others and in myself.
- I’ve had to overcome my insatiable desire to have others like me or support me;
- I’ve learned to be authentic despite my vulnerability.
- I’ve had to overcome the deep inertia of what I call The Great Sadness, a dark storm of all the painful hard stories that remain trapped despite many years post-trauma.
I’ve lived Rachel Platten’s song:
“Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosionAnd all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me”
I’ve had to practice self-compassion again and again.
And tell me the beautiful truth, as I tell you when we chat virtually, you were created, therefore you are worthy, you are valuable, and you are here for a purpose and a reason.
And now I see that despite the seemingly overwhelming challenges, Sara Maclachlan’s song, Blackbird, has been mine & I believe can be yours too:
Blackbird singing in the dead of night,
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You may have broken wings, but you can learn to fly, and you can arise, and sing despite the most unusual circumstances, like singing in the dead of night.
You can learn that you are free.
So, as you can see, from the initial conversations I have with you during our virtual coaching sessions, you and I begin to uncover some reasons you’re struggling. And those reasons are almost never the original reasons we begin chatting.
- Probably it’s not just about the frustrations you have with your kids. About bickering and arguing or because they’re complaining about you asking them to do something.
- Probably it’s not about uncertainty about your homeschool choice, or a lack of confidence in your homeschool choice.
- Probably it’s not because you have too many things to do or that you feel compelled to do everything everyone on Instagram or at your local co-op is doing.
- Probably it’s not because the community around you isn’t supportive or that maybe you don’t even have a homeschool community.
- Probably it’s not about you not feeling like you’re not doing homeschool good enough.
- Probably it’s not because your partner isn’t in support of your homeschool choice.
- Probably it’s not because you’re having a hard time transitioning to the homeschool life instead of your previous profession.
- Probably it’s not even that you’re struggling in your marriage right in front of your homeschool kids.
- Probably it’s not because you’re kinda bored of homeschooling even though you’ve been doing it for a few years now, maybe even a similar curriculum, your days are the same, the kids kept coming, you kept homeschooling, and now what?
- Probably it’s not because you’re losing your stuff on the kids, even though, how could it not be this one?
I’ve learned that it’s often this…
- At the base, you need time away…
- So that you can see and understand what’s actually going on.
- You need to become more aware of your needs.
- You need to understand the things that trigger you.
- You need to understand how to instill boundaries.
- You might need to render some big hurts.
- You need time to become clear on what your base issues are with your partner, your kids, or your other significant relationships.
- You need to know how to address those issues proactively and not wait for a magical, non-existent utopia to take over your home. (Not that I know what I’m talking about here).
- You need to be clear about what you think an education is anyway, and why you’re even putting all this effort toward your kids’ home education.
- You need to be clear so you can address the repeated questions and uncertainties from the important people in your lives that aren’t your homeschool cheerleaders, but truly love you and your kids and want the best for them.
And I’ve learned that it’s also this…
- You need to be clear on what you need, how you’re making time and space to address what you need, your mental stimulation, your sense of quietness and separateness, and your life outside homeschooling (cause one day sooner than you think, it will happen, you will have a life outside homeschooling).
- You also need to be clear on what you expect from each of your kids and how you expect things to flow (or not flow as that is also likely the case) when a child doesn’t show up the way you expect them to: you need to release yourself from reactivity and respond with purposeful intention.
- You need to be clear on how you’re addressing your big emotions as you homeschool, like anger or frustration, balance, failure, not being good enough, perfectionism, and also stress, or when really big things happen in your homeschool, like moving, separations, deaths, and other loss.
- I’ve learned that we need time and space to explore what we need, to explore how we can be proactive in our relationships better, develop our separate sense of self and encourage purposeful activities in our lives, the life that we will live after we’ve graduated our youngest child.
I’d be privileged to walk alongside you if you want to connect with me in the virtual Homeschool Mama Retreat or one-on-one coaching.
In this guided retreat, you can get away & take a breather.
You can dig deep into the things that are keeping you from enjoying your homeschool charms.
…So you can show up on purpose in your homeschool days.
If you want to…
- Reimagine how you show up in your homeschool life
- Renovate your self-nurturing strategies
- Recognize your emotional landscape
- Reassess your homeschool vision
- Release your unHelpful homeschool mindset
Then join me for the four-week virtual Homeschool Mama Retreat…
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