When Grace and I first met, she was navigating a lot of internal and external pressures.
Like many homeschool moms, she was deeply invested in making sure her children were happy thriving, but she found herself constantly putting her needs on the back burner. Sound familiar?
Grace described herself as being fairly aware of her emotional triggers, especially related to her kid’s behaviors.
What else I know about Grace…
She prioritizes self-care as essential, not just a nice concept portrayed on Instagram; however, since she has school-aged kids and preschool-aged children, there just isn’t an easily predictable time to do anything for herself.
Grace values support from coaching sessions to bounce a few ideas about home education and motherhood off someone who doesn’t have skin in her family’s game. (She even told me that she believes in the collective wisdom of mothers everywhere. Though we aren’t in the same stages of motherhood, she believes we all have a maternal intuition and we need to listen to it — and since community isn’t as highly prized in our world these days, we need to eke out space and time to enable it.) I couldn’t agree more.
She knows she doesn’t have a lot of time to do things outside her homeschool family, but she wants to create some space to do creative things that fuel her, which may even become something she does long after her full-time mothering days.
Grace recognizes that she can do small things, like 5 minutes here and there for reading, but she wants more free flow in her creativities more regularly, but she doesn’t know where to include that. Because when?!
When Grace & I met for the first time, I asked a variety of questions to begin her quest for her clarity:
Tell me more about you and your homeschool family.
What do you love about it and what are your challenges?
What are the key elements in your challenges and why do they matter?
And if you could wave a magic wand, what would you like to see for yourself and your kids in five years?
Consider using the above questions in your journal to begin your own quest toward balance.
Early in our coaching program, I helped Grace clarify what she wanted. “If she could wave that magic wand, what would she want for her and her kids,” I asked her.
Her magic wand wish.
Grace’s answer gave us so much insight. She wanted balance as a homeschool mom. She wanted to engage meaningfully with her daughter, without feeling mistreated or constantly compromising. And she wanted to carve out space for her own hobbies and dreams, while still being the present mom her children needed.
But she didn’t know where to begin.
She told me about a relational dynamic she wants to change. Grace sometimes feels mistreated by her daughter as her daughter gets angry when she doesn’t get what she wants, she is high energy and requires a lot from Grace, and yet, Grace can’t always accommodate just one of her kids–cause she’s got four.
Grace recognizes that she is slow to anger, works very hard to listen to her daughter, and her needs and preferences, but finds that she occasionally gets angry with her daughter. She’s mortified sharing that with me, as Grace was accustomed to pushing her feelings down.
I reassured Grace that we’ve all been there, working really hard to understand a child, but also occasionally feeling overwhelmed by that child and losing our marbles. And definitely feeling guilty afterward.
Yet, she doesn’t know what to do because she feels compelled to make her daughter happy, so rather than help her daughter explore her feelings, and teach her how to share her needs and requests, Grace tries extra hard to prevent her kiddo from getting angry at all costs–which, she assures me has been a lot of effort.
Grace has never felt comfortable asserting herself.
She defaulted to doing what her parents asked of her, and she still does that with her husband, and she is now not doing it with her daughter too.
Her physical health reflects her struggles–she’s got various aches and pains now and that came out of nowhere. And try as she might, she couldn’t get out of bed without a kiddo trailing right behind her asking if she could play with him before she made it to the kitchen for a solitary cup of coffee.
When I asked her what kinds of activities she liked to do, she acknowledged that she forgets what she even liked to do, but she was confident there was no time to do them anyway–that’s why she came to me, to figure out how to be more balanced.
If she could find time to do something other than kids and homeschooling, she wanted to include her interests into her routine, because she remembered how energized and creative she felt participating in certain activities before her kids were in her world.
I asked her what her long-term goals were beyond her homeschool mom years. We discussed how she could begin to take small steps towards those goals now, even if it was just an hour a week but first, we had to figure out how to get rid of the activities that weren’t as relevant to her life.
Until coming to chat with me, she just pushed through and kept doing things for others because who else would do them?
We worked together to make that happen. I became her gentle accountability partner, her cheerleader, her clarifier, and also her challenger. She put the strategies into place, experimented with those strategies, learned why they sometimes didn’t, then tried again–then she connected with me for another coaching conversation.
Our coaching journey together
This is where the work of enabling balance as a homeschool mom began. We started by creating an A.C.T.I.O.N. plan to help her move from where she was to where she wanted to be. Let me walk you through it:
Assessment:
First, we assessed her current situation.
What were the biggest pain points?
Where did she feel stuck?
We explored her relationships — with her daughter, with her husband, and most importantly, with herself.
She realized that her discomfort with asserting herself had deep roots — going back to her childhood and continuing into her marriage.
Clarity:
Next, we worked on gaining clarity.
Grace needed to get clear on what she truly wanted, both for her homeschool kids and for herself. This wasn’t just about making her daughter happy; it was about the whole family. I helped her identify small, realistic steps that would help her feel more empowered.
Tools & Resources:
Together, we identified tools and resources.
We talked about creating routines that allowed her daughter more independence while also establishing boundaries. Grace realized that it wasn’t her job to “fix” every bad mood or unmet need her daughter had. Instead, she could teach her daughter how to communicate her needs more effectively — a skill that would serve them both in the long run.
Implementation:
Grace started to implement small changes, like setting aside just an hour a week for something she loved — even if it was just reading a book or taking a walk.
At first, this felt impossible, but by creating boundaries and delegating some responsibilities to her kids or husband, she started making space for herself again.
Ongoing Accountability:
I became her accountability partner, her sounding board, and her cheerleader. We checked in regularly, tweaking strategies when they didn’t work and celebrating small wins.
Optimization:
As Grace experimented with new habits, she found what worked and what didn’t. We adjusted her plan, adding more activities that brought her greater satisfaction and finding ways to delegate more of the household tasks. She learned how to advocate for her needs in her family and homeschool life, which was a huge shift.
Nurturing:
One of the most important parts of this process was nurturing. Grace needed support to stick with the changes, and we worked together to ensure she had the encouragement and accountability to keep going, even in the tough weeks.
The results: a more balanced homeschool mom life
By the end of our sessions, Grace was no longer the overwhelmed, guilt-ridden mom who felt like she had to sacrifice herself for her family’s happiness. She had found a feeling of balance as a homeschool mom, learned to assert herself kindly but firmly, and had begun to carve out time for the things she loved. Her relationships improved because she wasn’t operating from a place of resentment anymore.
Grace took proactive steps towards creating a fulfilling and balanced life. She determined to face her challenges head-on and acknowledge that it was time for change.
And she isn’t done — she knew this would be a process, and she would continue to grow. But now, she has the tools and confidence. And she feels a whole lot more balanced.
What this means for you if you want balance as a homeschool mom…
If Grace’s story resonates with you, I want you to know that you’re not alone. You can reclaim your sense of self while being the mom your children need. You can set boundaries, make time for yourself, and create the homeschool life that works for your family.
This is the work we do together in my coaching program. If you’re ready to start your transformation, I’d love to support you.
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I help homeschool mamas shed what’s not working in their homeschool & life so they can show up authentically, purposefully, and confidently in their homeschool & life.
