If you’re dealing with post-partum overwhelm in your homeschool…

If you’re dealing with post-partum overwhelm in your homeschool, I have a story to share with you.

Hard to believe that someone so pretty, our third baby, a baby who hardly cried, slept through the night by 3-4 months, loved sitting on daddy’s lap while daddy studied federal election results, had a mama that felt overwhelmed.

This is my story of post-partum overwhelm in my homeschool.

Somewhere after this deeply dimpled, curly-haired cutie was a few weeks old, my husband suggested I might not just be “normal” overwhelmed, I might be experiencing post-partum depression.

(I was a post-partum nurse pre-mothering, so I taught moms about these challenges before moms left with their babies from the hospital but to identify it in me was a whole new thing.)

---

---

---

I sure didn’t see it in myself tho.

Not even when I cried at the drop of a hat. (That was normal, right?)

Not even when I’d lose my temper with my other two girls over inconsequential stuff. (Normal too, right?)

Not even when I wanted to sleep all day. (Cause this was my third baby in 4 years after 3 years of night shifts in L&D, so I surely was sleep-deprived, right?)

I was getting more sleep than I had with my older babies. I had a high school student helping me clean the house.

And yet…

I was still not coping.

I would discover within a few weeks that antidepressants have their place in a post-partum world. (Oh I knew that in theory, I just didn’t know it personally).

Unquestionably, there was a shift in my emotional wherewithal. (Gradually. Not immediately.)

---

---

It was a tool, not a magic potion.

I still needed therapy. Not just because I was overwhelmed with babies/hormones/lack of sleep. But because I had a whole lotta other stuff unresolved in my life.

I’ve seen in myself and a whole lotta other people that there’s never a “one and done” approach to depression or overwhelm.

• It’s not just one session with a coach or counselor.
• It’s not just one self-coaching journaling workbook.
• It’s not just an anti-depressant or natural supplement.
• Or psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist.
• Or prayer or mindfulness or “thinking the right thoughts”.

That first step was profoundly useful.

The first step, though, the hardest step. the step where I declared: I have a challenge: this was the hardest step.

---

---

What are some ways to address post-partum overwhelm in your homeschool?

Alter your expectations.

• Create a routine, not a schedule.
• Create routines that can be flexible. You’ll be required to do it.
• Routines include things your family wants to do.
• Routines create predictability.

Ask for help.

Women weren’t designed to do the pregnancy, birthing, and post-partum period alone. Women need women and this is one of the most pivotal moments we need each other.

If you can ask your mom, mother-in-law, cousin, best friend, or new friend from down the street to help you cook, clean, take the kids for an hour, or do anything during this important period of your life, you will feel like you’re not doing it alone.

Hire help.

Is there a homeschooled teen who could help you cook clean or look after your older kids so you can take afternoon naps or just play with your older kids at the park while she cares for your younger kiddo at home?

This was something I did before I was even homeschooled. And I hired a homeschooled teen that was looking for a summer job. Two bonuses if you hire a homeschooled teen. They usually are well accustomed to hanging out with kids of all ages, they are accustomed to taking someone’s lead, and they are often familiar with earning their money independently and know the value of a well-earned hour. They’re remarkable hires.

---

---

Learn to say no. Now’s the time.

Since your time is about to be relegated to a sofa or your bed for a few weeks, your time will shrink dramatically (before but if you have a kiddo already, you’ll probably know that).

Add readalouds (& fun) to nursing on the couch.

• Make readalouds a larger part of your homeschool.
• Make fun an essential part of your routine.
  • Poetry teatime. (Have your oldest set up tea each day at “whatever time you want it” o-clock, then leave a poetry book there so you can have him or her read you a poem, or you can read one to them).
  • Nature study. (Help them burn off tension by going outdoors. You might benefit the MOST, especially if you’re sleep-deprived).
  • Gameschooling. (Pay attention to how games help them learn. Now is the time to experiment with games as school or lean into unschooling for a season.)
  • Pinschooling. (If you have time, do fun stuff. Keep the crafty, messy stuff in a room with a door so you don’t have to organize for a few months: yes, I said months).
  • Kitchen schooling. Spend time prepping together. And make all the meals simpler. (In fact, ask other people to feed you for a few weeks).
• Readalouds allow for a little eyeball to eyeball time.
• Prevent kid conflict? Give them you. **Note: Siblings are adjusting to a new sibling. They adjust differently. Some don’t notice; others notice a lot. Notice a little more conflict? That is entirely normal and unpreventable.

Get out of the house.

A change of pace is required, so even if it means you walk around the block or head to the shopping mall with a stroller and active toddlers in a winter storm, you will benefit.

Or better yet, drop the kids off at your mom’s and go by yourself even if it’s just to pick up milk.

---

---

Keep to a predictable routine.

Time block now. If you don’t like to be out of routine or order, know that it will happen. For sure. So assess what matters most before you’re post-partum.

Encourage your older kids’ independence. And be okay with that.

Whether we like it or not, the oldest child becomes our right-hand girl or guy. If there is more than one kiddo in the house, the oldest learns how to help you. This is normal. Not bad parenting.

Accept the reality. (I know this experience as the oldest child in my family-of-origin too).

Teach your kids to help you when you need them.

You can’t do it all.

(You assume you’re permanently responsible for doing all the things when you first begin mothering, but you soon learn, you either have to let some expectations go or you need to ask for help.)

Some responsibilities don’t require an adult. If they don’t, ask your child to help.
Sometimes those kiddos absolutely love doing things to help when it’s understood as something mom would normally do.

So show your kiddo how to help you and invite them to help.

Plan, plan, plan.

1. Your prepartum health plan…
   • Stock pads, mesh panties, bedside snacks & a cooler/fridge in your room with midnight snacks, ask people to make meals for a month, and stock your pantry.
   • Plan for a shower a week: then if you do more, you’ll see what a remarkable accomplishment you’ve achieved! (Or put a small bag with brush and toothbrush under the sofa pillow where you’ll be feeding your baby).
   • Include exercise, supplements, anti-depressants, and sleep routines as part of your Post-Partum Sanity Plan:)
   • Hire a support person. Not coincidently, I hired a homeschool graduate who was super helpful to me in every way. Homeschool high schoolers are your go-to support people.
2. Your daily activity…
   • Sit on a couch, feed a baby, change a baby, make sure older kids stay alive, invite someone for a visit **(but only if she/he likes folding clothes or washing dishes while you chat).
3. Your transition time back to your “pre-baby routine” is as long as feels normal and natural to you. Whatever you do is good enough! (ps It won’t go back exactly;)
4. Create special party days (& celebrate)!
   • 100 Day Party
   • 1st day back to homeschool
   • Baby month celebrations (& figure out how many months old your bigger babies are)
   • Baby doctor visits and trips to parks then your favourite food stop.

Give yourself a 6-month hiatus.

• Incorporate hygge. Candles, tea, and quiet afternoon time.

Stop doing studies. Ebb into slow mode.

There is a season for everything. And this is the season of letting some things go.

If you had a predictable routine before you had your baby, you WILL return to your homeschool routine.

Give yourself at least three months to ease into a new life of living alongside one more family member. Assume everything is off-kilter until then.

Practice adaptation, flexibility, and adjusting…

(None of which I came by naturally FYI. So if I can learn them, you can too;).

• Kids change quickly, so notice your needs and your priorities, and be open to adjusting
• Every day won’t go well–I wish they would for you, but I’m gonna be straight talk, no-nonsense girlfriend.
• Sometimes you’ll need to throw in the towel and declare that this day didn’t work: there’s always tomorrow!

---

As I get close to my third baby being 2 months old, I’m finding that although I want to do ALL the fun school things with my 3 and 6 yo, the most important thing to do right now is connect. As you said, eyeball to eyeball time. It’s a hard season to give attention to the older kids, but it’s also a season where they will act out in order to get that attention if you don’t give it. Being purposeful with even a few minutes of quality time makes the house more peaceful, and makes learning more possible too.

Trina, Homeschool Mama of 3

---

---

People also ask:

• Do you offer one-on-one homeschool (& life) coaching? Why, yes I do!
• How to Deal with Toddlers or Preschoolers in Our Homeschools
• Homeschool Mama Big Emotions Toolbox Part 3: Your Feelings
• How to Include Breathwork for Homeschool Moms
• Homeschooling Little Kids & Taking Care of Yourself with Isis Loran
• Thriving, not just Surviving Homeschooling after Pregnancy
• Reclaiming Motherhood with Homeschool Mama, Bonnie Way

---