If you’re dealing with post-partum overwhelm in your homeschool…

If you’re dealing with post-partum overwhelm in your homeschool, I have a story to share with you.

Hard to believe that someone so pretty, our third baby, a baby who hardly cried, slept through the night by 3-4 months, loved sitting on daddy’s lap while daddy studied federal election results, had a mama that felt overwhelmed.

This is my story of post-partum overwhelm in my homeschool.

Somewhere after this deeply dimpled, curly-haired cutie was a few weeks old, my husband suggested I might not just be “normal” overwhelmed, I might be experiencing post-partum depression.

(I was a post-partum nurse pre-mothering, so I taught moms about these challenges before moms left with their babies from the hospital but to identify it in me is a whole new thing.)

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I sure didn’t see it in myself tho.

Not even when I cried at the drop of a hat. (That was normal, right?)

Not even when I’d lose my temper with my other two girls over inconsequential stuff. (Normal too, right?)

Not even when I wanted to sleep all day. (Cause this was my third baby in 4 years after 3 years of night shifts in L&D, so I surely was sleep-deprived, right?)

I was getting more sleep than I had with my older babies. I had a high school student helping me clean the house.

And yet…

I was still not coping.

I would discover within a few weeks that antidepressants have their place in a post-partum world. (Oh I knew that in theory, I just didn’t know it personally).

Unquestionably, there was a shift in my emotional wherewithal. (Gradually. Not immediately.)

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It was a tool, not a magic potion.

I still needed therapy. Not just because I was overwhelmed with babies/hormones/lack of sleep. But because I had a whole lotta other stuff unresolved in my life.

I’ve seen in myself and a whole lotta other people that there’s never a “one and done” approach to depression or overwhelm.

• It’s not just one session with a coach or counselor.
• It’s not just one self-coaching journaling workbook.
• It’s not just an anti-depressant or natural supplement.
• Or psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist.
• Or prayer or mindfulness or “thinking the right thoughts”.

That first step was profoundly useful.

The first step, though, the hardest step. the step where I declared: I have an issue, was definitely the hardest step.

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What are some ways to address post-partum overwhelm in your homeschool?

Alter your expectations.

• Create a routine, not a schedule.
• Create routines that can be flexible. You’ll be required to do it.
• Routines include things your family wants to do.
• Routines create predictability.

Ask for help.

Women weren’t designed to do the pregnancy, birthing, and post-partum period alone. Women need women and this is one of the most pivotal moments we need each other.

If you can ask your mom, mother-in-law, cousin, best friend, or new friend from down the street to help you cook, clean, take the kids for an hour, or do literally anything during this important period of your life, you will feel like you’re not doing it alone.

Hire help.

Is there a homeschooled teen who could help you cook clean or look after your older kids so you can take afternoon naps or just play with your older kids at the park while she cares for your younger kiddo at home?

This was something I did before I was even homeschooled. And I hired a homeschooled teen that was looking for a summer job. Two bonuses if you hire a homeschooled teen. They usually are well accustomed to hanging out with kids of all ages, they are accustomed to taking someone’s lead, and they are often familiar with earning their money independently and know the value of a well-earned hour. They’re remarkable hires.

Learn to say no. Now’s the time.

Since your time is about to be relegated to a sofa or your bed for a few weeks, your time will shrink dramatically (before but if you have a kiddo already, you’ll probably know that).

Add readalouds (& fun) to nursing on the couch.

• Make readalouds a larger part of your homeschool.
• Make fun an essential part of your routine.
  • Poetry teatime.
  • Nature study.
  • Gameschooling.
  • Pinschooling.
  • Kitchen schooling.
  • Family schooling.
• Eyeball to eyeball time.
• Prevent kid conflict? Give them you.

Get out of the house.

A change of pace is required, so even if it means you walk around the block or head to the shopping mall with a stroller and active toddlers in a winter storm, you will benefit.

Or better yet, drop the kids off at your mom’s and go by yourself. (Of course, if you were like me and didn’t anywhere near a family member, this won’t work.)

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Keep to a predictable routine.

• Time block now.

Encourage your older kids’ independence. And be okay with that.

Whether we like it or not, the oldest child becomes our right-hand girl or guy. If there is more than one kiddo in the house, the oldest learns how to help you.

Accept that reality. (I know this experience as an oldest child in my family-of-origin too).

Teach your kids to help you when you need them.

You can’t do it all. (You assume you’re permanently responsible for doing all the things when you first begin mothering, but you soon learn, you either have to let some expectations go or you need to ask for help.)

Some responsibilities don’t require an adult. You can ask a child to help. And sometimes those kiddos absolutely love doing things to help when it’s understood as something mom would normally do.

So show your kiddo how to help you and invite them to help.

Plan, plan, plan.

1. Your post-partum health.
   • Pads, bedside snacks & a cooler/fridge, midnight snacks, meals for a month, stock your pantry.
   • Grooming and showers.
   • Exercise, supplements, anti-depressants, and sleep.
   • Hire a support person.
2. Your daily activity.
3. Your transition time is back to the norm.
4. Special party days.
   • 100 Day Party
   • 1st day back to homeschool
   • Baby month celebrations (& figure out how many months old your bigger babies are)
   • Baby doctor visits and trips to park and McDonald’s

Give yourself a 6-month hiatus.

• Incorporate hygge. Candles, tea, and quiet afternoon time.

Stop doing studies. Ebb into slow mode.

There is a season for everything. And this is the season of letting some things go.

If you had a predictable routine before you had your baby, you WILL return to your homeschool routine.

Give yourself at least three months to ease into a new life of living alongside one more family member.

Practice adaptation, flexibility, and adjusting…

• Kids change quickly, so notice your needs and your priorities, and be open to adjusting
• Every day won’t go well
• Sometimes you’ll need to throw in the towel.

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As I get close to my third baby being 2 months old, I’m finding that although I want to do ALL the fun school things with my 3 and 6 yo, the most important thing to do right now is connect. As you said, eyeball to eyeball time. It’s a hard season to give attention to the older kids, but it’s also a season where they will act out in order to get that attention if you don’t give it. Being purposeful with even a few minutes of quality time makes the house more peaceful, and makes learning more possible too.

Trina Dixon, Homeschool Mama of 3

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People also ask:

• Do you offer one-on-one homeschool (& life) coaching? Why, yes I do!
• How to Deal with Toddlers or Preschoolers in Our Homeschools
• Homeschool Mama Big Emotions Toolbox Part 3: Your Feelings
• Homeschooling Little Kids & Taking Care of Yourself with Isis Loran
• Reclaiming Motherhood with Homeschool Mama, Bonnie Way

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